Dear Mr. Bonds,
I am writing you today to ask you to stop messing around, and hit two home runs. Just get it over with, so we don't have to worry about you breaking Hank Aaron's record any more, and we can start watching with anticipation all of those (currently, just A-Rod) who may pass you a few years from now.
Just get it over with, so we can add another mark on the board proving this summer is quite possibly the worst sports summer ever. This story from The Onion may be a joke, but it really isn't that far from the truth. Dog fighting, dirty refs, and tragic deaths have certainly made this summer a season to forget.
Hopefully something will happen to even the score a bit. Who knows, maybe its just the set up to a run by the Cubs. I'm sure they would like to get that monkey off their backs before he hits triple digits.
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