The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug (A "Better Late Than Never" Review)

I have a confession. I actually saw the Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug on December 14th and am just now getting around to writing my thoughts on the movie. It turns out working retail is hectic during the Holidays, who knew? So I'll do my best to adequately write my thoughts on the second film in Peter Jackson's Hobbit trilogy - in between bites of lunch, of course.

Warning! Spoilers ahead! 

As my brother Andrew so eloquently put it - "it was a good 3 hour movie that could have been a great 2 hour one."

Basically, this is all you need to know about the second installment of the ragtag group of Dwarves and their Hobbit burglar. The movie began well enough, and the pacing was definitely an improvement over the slow crawl that began An Unexpected Journey. However, some of the changes Jackson made didn't feel necessary to plot, such as Beorn stating that he was the last of his kind when the book explicitly mentions that although the mighty skinwalker will give the party refuge for the night in his house, they should beware his sons who roam outside. Also...

You know what? I'm just going to cut to the nitty-gritty. For those of who are familiar with Tolkien's classic novel, you were probably just as curious (and skeptical) about how the book could be stretched over three 3 hour long films. To pad out the second film when most of the cool stuff on the path to the Lonely Mountain had already happened in the first one, Jackson decided to flesh out secondary characters in a move that (I'm guessing, and seriously hope that I'm right about) will hopefully explain and lead towards events that do canonically take place in the book. For instance (and super serious guys, SPOILERS) the one and ONLY reason a love triangle between Kili, the nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, Tauriel, the (invented by Jackson) captain of the guard of Mirkwood, and Legolas,who, need I remind you, doesn't even appear in the Hobbit book - the only reason this exists is to shoehorn Legolas being pouty in, and to hopefully set up the Battle of the Five Armies in the third movie. Need I remind you, Kili does not survive that battle. Tauriel has already saved Kili's life at least 3 times by the time the battle takes place - it's not entirely inconceivable that Kili will end up repaying the debt in an extremely dramatic and heroic fashion. As far as the other padded material goes (the Dwarves playing Scooby Doo in Erebor, Bard's heroic rogue backstory), it pales in comparison to the general WTF-ness being thrown into the viewer's face, absolutely not subtly, by the Dwarve-Elf love story. There MUST be a reason for it. There just must be. Although, now that I think about it, funny that Legolas fails to mention any of the events that happened during this movie at any time to the Fellowship in Lord of the Rings. My thoughts about a female character being created only to serve as part of a love triangle raises some ire, but I'll spare you the soapbox rant.

The other things that struck me as odd were mostly cinematography related. Lord of the Rings looked so natural because many of the effects were practical, not CGI. I tried to get past the obvious and abundant use of graphics this time but just couldn't. I was no longer immersed in Middle Earth - just keenly aware that Legolas looked rather chubby in the cheeks despite being 60 some years younger. The tone is a bit darker this time around, unlike the more lighthearted adventure that carried through in the the first movie. There are some pretty funny moments, and of course the occasional ham-handed scene, and I will say that (plot additions aside) the pace has improved.

I don't think I can summarize the movie more succinctly than Andrew did - many things could have been pared down and many of the climactic scenes bordered on tedious. It was a movie that I desperately wanted to love, but just couldn't. It's been a divisive movie for fans, with one of my fellow Tolkeinites saying, flat out, "I hated it". Definitely worth a watch if only to find what parts specifically rubbed you the wrong way.

Dispatches from the Popcorn Stadium: Prisoners

POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD

If you saw the trailer or commercials for Prisoners, you pretty much have the gist of what is going on. The youngest daughters of two families are abducted, Jake Gyllenhaal is the investigator charged with finding them, Paul Dano is the weird guy with the RV who is kidnapped and tortured by Hugh Jackman, assisted (or at least not opposed) by Terrence Howard and Viola Davis. Fortunately, they kept the result of Jackman's brutal beating of Dano out, something that isn't the case in the actual film.

The political allegory of this film is not subtle, boiling down pretty much to "torture is bad and pointless, m'kay?" I guess the secondary message would be that torture is useless when dealing with a mentally challenged and psychologically scarred person who may not be guilty. Or that those who stand by and let monstrous behavior happen are just as guilty as those who do it. Either way, these points aren't very subtle, and neither is Hugh Jackman's performance.

Fortunately the movie is saved by Gyllenhaal's performance. You can feel the stress get to him, as the sleepless nights pile up and the frustration mounts. He's had a perfect record with his cases, but you can tell it's not about the performance, but about finding those kids. When it appears that all is lost, and he thinks he has blown the case, he goes off the rails in a completely understandable, yet scary way.

Beyond that, the cinematography was great. It captured that dreary feeling of late November, made worse by the tragic events that were unfolding on screen. To me, it seems almost criminal that Roger Deakins (look at his impressive filmography) has never won an Academy Award. Although not as epic or as colorful as some of his other work, this works just as well  for the needs of this film. In a couple places, there are dark holes that characters have to jump down into. In both cases, they are shot so you see nothing but the empty darkness. It was foreboding and scary, particularly after the scene with all of the snakes writing around in trunks.

This was not a great movie, but it was worth seeing. Like too many movies these days, it is far too long. Just because Peter Jackson does it, doesn't mean every movie needs to be 2.5-3 hours long.

As the fall season kicks into gear, with Gravity coming out this weekend, it will likely get lost in the shuffle. It's worth checking out just for Gyllenhall's performance and the cinematography. If you haven't seen it already, I would suggest waiting a few months until it comes out on Blu-Ray/DVD or until its available on your streaming service / premium cable network of choice.

Rated R 153 minutes

Dispatches from the Popcorn Stadium: The Family

While watching The Family, I was struck by how similar it was in ways to one of my favorite movies. No, not Goodfellas, although there was the obligatory reference to the film. Instead it was The Incredibles. Now granted, the Parrs were routinely moved around because of the country's disdain for their former heroes, not because he was a snitch against the mob. And in the Pixar film, only Bob seemed to have the problem of reverting to his old ways, as opposed to the family in The Family. Oh, and I'll have to watch The Incredibles again to confirm this, but I'm pretty sure none of the characters went around dropping f-bombs. Nevertheless, there was still a familiarity there, particularly with Tommy Lee Jones as the put upon government official who keeps having to cover the tracks of the violent family.

I wish it was as good as The Incredibles. It felt kind of half-baked, alternating between light-hearted "fish out of water" comedy with deadly-serious violence. Sometimes this works pretty well, but more often it is just confusing and jumbled. In addition, I can't imagine even a valuable and politically connected witness like Robert DeNiro's character would be able to get away with some of the crap he was doing.

I wouldn't call it a total waste of time, as there were a few good chuckles. For a movie from the doldrums of early September it was fine. I'd say it's worth checking out once it comes out on Blu-Ray and DVD, or if you are just itching to see a movie and have already seen better ones already.

Dispatches from the Popcorn Stadium: Summer Movies, Part One

Who's ready for some thoughts on the Summer movies? Because reviews of movies that have been out for two months is very timely. Oh well, at least I'm not making separate posts for each. I will try to avoid spoilers on some movies, but there is a spoiler coming up for one of them, although you probably already know that if you care about the movie. (Hint: The movie is Star Trek)

Iron Man 3
Iron Man is one of my favorite "comic book" movies. Iron Man 2, although enjoyable, was not nearly as good. I found Iron Man 3 to rest comfortably in the middle. I particularly enjoyed the twist that came part way through the movie, although this is not quite a consensus opinion here at Doctor Strangeblog. The movie probably could have used a bit more coherence with the whole Tony Stark suffers PTSD from the whole flying into a trans-dimensional portal to save the world thing*, but I had a good time watching it, and thought it was pretty funny.  Like all Marvel movies, be sure to stick around until after the credits.

Now You See Me
This one was a big surprise at how much I enjoyed it. Yeah, it was the typical twist upon twist upon twist kind of movie, but considering it was a movie about magicians, that seems to be expected. Fortunately, they didn't play "The Final Countdown" once, or the movie probably would have lost me.

The Great Gatsby
When we are introduced to one of Gatsby's crazy parties for the first time, I'm pretty certain my body almost shut down due to an overwhelming of the senses. I'm also pretty certain that this was the whole reason Baz Luhrmann directed the movie. It's just too bad he didn't show as much enthusiasm for the rest of the movie. The actors did pretty well with what they had, but in the end perhaps this is just a story that is unfilmable. Even though directors beat on against the current, borne back ceaselessly into failure.**

Star Trek Into Darkness
KAAHHHHHNNNNN!!!

Now that is out the way, I enjoyed the movie. Even if it kind of falls apart when you think about after the fact. And it really didn't do that much to stand up against the troubling lack of strong female characters NOT in a Paul Feig directed movie (more on that in part two). Still, it has Scotty, in a trendy club, wearing a suit that is hopelessly out of date. Ever the true engineer, that one.****

After Earth
Why did I see this? I'm not sure, although I'm guessing its because it was there. I can't say the science holds up on this one too well. Although I like to think that it maybe is a sequel to The Happening. Still, I think I'll pass on the next Smith family therapy session. Even if it has killer baboon squads and tigerish animals that attack eagleish birds nests.

This Is the End
I have to say I was enjoying this as a movie even before the whole Apocalypse thing went down. In fact, I almost forgot that was going to happen, until it did happen. What followed was pretty hilarious. Emma Watson definitely stole the show in this one, although pretty much every character had their moment.

Final Verdict:

Go See, if It's Still Playing
This Is The End
Now You See Me
Iron Man 3
Star Trek Into Darkness

Rent it Once It Comes Out
The Great Gatsby

Check it Out If Its On Cable, and Nothing Else Is On
After Earth

Check back later in the week for Part Two. 

*Look, I know that you can't bring The Avengers back in every movie, but what is their threshold for action? Apparently ultraviolent terrorists are not part of their mission. Perhaps the other franchises will shed some light on this. But probably not. Stupid logistics and budgets fudging up the continuity.
**Sorry***
***Not sorry
****That last one is the spoiler I was talking about. Yep, totally that one.

Dispatches from the Popcorn Theater: Silver Linings Playbook

So it's May, which means it is time for the start of summer movie season. Kicking off this year is Iron Man 3, which I have seen, and which I will be writing about in the next few days. However, before I move on to explosions and CG spectacles of our warm weather months, I have one last movie from the oscar bait season of the fall and winter.

Had things gone differently (read: better) for me in the winter, I would have already seen this (and several other films as well) months ago. Although I had plenty of time, that corresponding freedom came with a severe lack of income, which made going to movies something totally out of the question, especially since every trip to see one would include an hour drive to the theater. I had hoped to write about some movies, both new and old, that I watched on DVD, Netflix, or other means. Unfortunately, it turns out being unemployed doesn't always inspire you to be in a writing mood. But now I have a new job, moved to a new place about five minutes from a 20 screen multiplex, and am looking forward to getting back to the movies.

Lucky for me, that theater just down the street was still playing Silver Linings Playbook when I went to see it a few weeks ago. After watching it, I was glad I had the chance to see it. I enjoyed it thoroughly, although I could see why other people would not exactly like it.

When I first started seeing the trailers and marketing materials for the film, I must admit it wasn't exactly on my short list of winter movies. Had I known the plot of the movie led up to a climactic scene involving a dance competition, I would have definitely left it off my list. On the other hand, had I first heard it was directed by David O. Russell, then I would have been looking forward to it despite the underwhelming trailer and unimaginative in-theater marketing. I ♥ Huckabees is one of my favorite films, and I also enjoyed The Fighter as well.

I enjoyed pretty much every one of the major performances in the film, especially Jennifer Lawrence and Jacki Weaver (the mother of Bradley Cooper's Pat). Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro were pretty great as well, which is a bit of surprise considering how indifferent I usually am to Cooper. I'm pretty certain DeNiro was got nominated for the Oscars because everyone was relieved he gave a good performance for once.

Sometimes the movie was incredibly awkward to watch. This was in part because too often it hit very close to home, but most of the time it was just because it's awkward to watch people lose control or walk around completely self-deluded. Still, many parts of the film were very funny. I'd share the part I thought was the funniest, but it would ruin the climax for you, so you'll just have to see it for yourself.

I recommend seeing this as soon as you can, which in most cases at this point would be on DVD or Blu-Ray. Although I won't go back and alter my Favorite Films of 2013 list, this one definitely fits right in the top 5, behind Moonrise Kingdom, Wreck-It Ralph, and The Avengers.

Next time on Dispatches from the Popcorn Theater: It's Summer Movie Season! Despite the exclamation point, Andrew is a bit underwhelmed by the lineup, but is encouraged by the kick off by Iron Man 3. Tony Stark sure knows how to make an entrance, doesn't he?

Dispatches from the Popcorn Stadium: Wreck-It Ralph and Paperman

It's that time again, as the holiday movie season ramps up for this year. From now until February (when some of the more "arty" films will show up in this area), I'll be sharing some of my thoughts on the movies I've watched. I'll start with one of my favorites of the year.

I was going to write a long glowing review of Wreck-It Ralph, one of my favorite films of the year. Instead, I'd like to point you to my sister's great post about the film. I'll just add a few of my own comments here, then get to talking about the magnificent short Paperman.

One of my favorite parts of the film were how the characters interacted and related to each other. Not just how Ralph, Felix, Vanellope, and Sgt. Calhoun interacted, but also how they interacted with minor characters. A favorite example is the relationship between Ralph and Gene, who is the mayor of Niceland. Although the rest of the Nicelanders clearly don't like Ralph, the relationship between these two is even more strained, which hints at a history. I think (although I'm not certain) that Gene is the guy Ralph throws at the beginning of the level, which would clearly create additional animosity between the two. The fact that this much work is done of such a minor relationship in the game shows how much work went into making this a great film.

Another thing I liked was how they didn't pull punches in the film. Need a heartbreaking betrayal of Vanellope by Ralph? Consider it done, in disturbing fashion. Put both Vanellope and Ralph in jeopardy of dieing? Consider them imperiled. Kill the villian in a way both creative and kind of disturbing? Consider him fried. I'm a bring proponent of the idea that the great movies that children can watch should be a little scary, perhaps even a little disturbing. After all, aren't there scary parts in the Wizard of Oz or Pinocchio?

Between the characters, the acting, the animation, the loving irreverent reverence towards video games, and even the well-done music, Wreck-It Ralph is a real triumph for Walt Disney Animation. But frankly, even if the movie had been mediocre the trip to the theater would have been wasted, because Paperman was an absolute gem of a short.

From it's first frame I was in love with Paperman. Its deft combination of traditional and computer animation was well-done, and I'm a sucker for that (mostly) black & white style. Although I'm a big fan of the written word, I also love it when such a rich story can be told with actions and images, and nary a word is spoken. From the fact that all the workers in the one office save for our protagonist look alike, to one of the paper airplanes pulling a Randy Johnson on a bird flying by, to the love interest's red lipstick adding color to the scenes, it was a true joy.

If you have seen these films, please feel free to comment below. If not, go as soon as you can to your nearest theater. I didn't see the 3D version, watching the regular version both times I've seen it. Unlike most films, I could see 3D working well for Wreck-It Ralph.

Coming Soon: Skyfall, Flight, and Lincoln

Thoughts on What Happened in Aurora, CO

Up until Friday morning, this post was going to be my review of The Dark Night Rises, as well as some thoughts on this summer's movies. I was looking forward to sharing my thoughts on the movie, whether I liked it or not. Obviously, what happened early Friday out in Aurora, CO changed that.

Yeah, I still went to see the movie yesterday. I wasn't going to let some messed up asshole 1000 miles away change my plans. I was a bit uneasy doing it, even though I went through the probabilities of the situation. The likelihood of a second incident happening during a mid-day matinee showing was low, but I still found myself watching the exit door. I even made sure I'd sit in the seat closest to the door opposite of the exit door. The movie ended up capturing most of my attention, but to say it had my full attention throughout would be an exaggeration.

I love going to the movies, even if I have to drive an hour now to see a film at a decent theater. When I was living in Virginia Beach I ended up watching a movie every year. No matter how nice home theater systems get, they still cannot beat the communal experience of the cinema. The cool air, the big screen, the dark theater. It really is one of my favorite things to do, even when jerks are messing with their phones, or teenagers are wearing too much damn perfume.

I've even gone to a couple midnight showings. Each time was a special experiences, the packed theater giving off an almost electric vibe. When the lights went down on Return of the King, I certainly felt a rush of anticipation, as the long wait was over and all that remained was the movie. I imagine that the crowd that packed into theater 9 at the Century 16 in Aurora felt that same excitement as the trailers finished, and that Warner Brothers logo came up. Unfortunately, one of those moviegoers was actually a sick delusional fuckbag who decided to ruin it all in one minute of gunfire.

One of the people killed was Alex Sullivan. He was celebrating his twenty-seventh birthday watching the movie. Tomorrow wsa going to be his first wedding anniversary. This should have been a jubilant time for him and his family. Instead it will now be a time of mourning.

I love going to the movies for my birthday. When I was a kid it was oftentimes the one time a year I might get to see one in a theater. I love going to see movies on Thanksgiving weekend, and during the week between Christmas and New Years. I love it when the Oscar level films finally show up at our podunk theaters in January and February. From that first tentpole film in early May, through the big Memorial Day weekend release, to that last really big event movie in mid July I really love summer movie season. Heck, I even like the lean September/October and March/April periods, which have exposed me to some of my favorite movies.

During the regular course of life I can get rather tense. Watching DVDs, Blu Ray, or Netflix helps, but it isn't anything like those two or three hours of escape I feel in a theater. Until July 20, 2012 I never thought twice about my safety or ability to relax in a theater. I resent the hell out of this asshole who has made me doubt, even temporarily, my ability to relax in the warm glow of the silver screen.

In the larger picture, my slight inconvenience means absolutely shit. Because of that murderer, 12 families have been absolutely devastated. For the others who were in that theater, some will have physical scars. Many more, however, will have emotional and psychological scars to deal with. I can't imagine they'd likely be able to go to ANY theater, let alone the Century 16.

Frankly, I can't imagine what the victims, their families, and the family of the killer are going through. To act like I do would be disingenuous and self-serving. All I can do is keep them in my thoughts, and hope that they can find some solace and peace in this terrible time.

Over the next few days perhaps we'll get some idea as to why the killer did what he did. Of course, it might be days until the authorities can even get into his apartment, considering how meticulous it has been booby trapped. Supposedly he dyed his hair red and called himself "The Joker". As far as I know this is speculation, as is most everything else beyond his basic information. There already appears to be hoaxes and urban myths spreading, a fact of life in this age of rapid information distribution.

As for the rest of us, I'm sure we won't disappoint The Onion.

Its Stick your Hand into a Hornet's Nest Month at the AV Club!

Apparently the AV Club decided to rile up its followers by taking on sacred cows of the community left and right this month. Between a rebuke of Ghostbusters and a takedown of Children of Men, they really started a furor over there. It almost seems like a cheap ploy to get more comments. What's next, a post saying The Wire and Arrested Development were highly overrated, or someone expressing their thoughts about a Wes Anderson film? Will someone write about a musician that someone else doesn't like? Or maybe a writer will make a post in defense of Dane Cook, and a dissent against Patton Oswalt. If so, make some popcorn and settle down. It will be like wrestling, only with less spandex and more browser refreshing.

Movies to Work To

When I am working, I usually like listening to something. Often I just open iTunes and play music, which works in most cases. Sometimes, however, I like to turn on the TV.

When I have the TV on while working, I follow a few basic ground rules. I rarely watch TV shows, unless it is a DVD with a play all option. The best for this purpose tend to be shows set in a workplace, such as The West Wing and Newsradio. I won't work during a TV show that I have never seen, as it is far too distracting. I rarely watch sports while working, which usually isn't an issue considering I rarely watch sports except for football.

Most often when I have the TV on, it is to play a movie. Whether in real time on cable, on the DVR, or on a DVD, movies are the best fit for work-watching. I always watch a movie that I have seen before, especially if I have seen it multiple times. Trying to work while a movie I want to see is on is impossible, as I will either fail to get the work done or completely miss the movie.

Some movies work better than others in getting me to work. The three Lord of the Rings films are a good fit, although I don't own a copy of them, so I only use them when at my parents' house. Movies such as Glory and Gettysburg also tend to work. However, I've found the two best films to use are Pirates of Silicon Valley and WarGames. I guess it is because both movies deal with computers, and the former deals specifically with successfully starting a business. Considering how productive I've been while watching Matthew Broderick and Ally Sheedy hack into WOPR, I probably should buy it on DVD. Of course, it might then lose its magic.

I've Got Chester A. Arthritis, or Historical Fact vs. Historical Fiction

Earlier today, as I was busy with other things, I had the TV on in the background. Playing on it was the movie They Died With Their Boots On, a very fictionalized account of George Armstrong Custer's ill-fated military career. I won't go into details about the many historical inaccuracies, except to say that the movie made Custer into a selfless sacrificial lamb, instead of an arrogant incompetent too quick to rush into a bad situation.

Being interested in both history and movies has led me to several instances where the two have collided, with very mixed results. Some have tended to get the overall ideas mostly right, while fudging much of the details (i.e. Glory). Others have still missed details, while very accurately mimicking the style of the written, if not spoken, words of an era (Gods and Generals)*. Others still forget historical accuracy entirely to stick close to a graphic novel (300 and Watchmen**). In the end, don't expect to be well versed in what really happened if you get your history from a movie ***.

Other than documentaries (which should be as accurate as possible), it is understandable that not every single fact is correct. Movies have their own structure, their own way of conveying information. Transferring a true story from historical accounts to a film version is little different than transferring a fictional book. Certain conceits will have to be made to make the film watchable, and a certain creative license should be expected. Obviously the important facts should not be ignored (for instance, who won what battle in a movie), but it is ok to composite characters and streamline certain events, especially if failing to do so could make the movie interminably long. Just as long as there are no Tyrannosaurs in F-14s flying over Cemetery Ridge during Pickett's Charge.****

*This picture also was a very accurate rendition of early 20th century Lost Cause romanticism, which mucked up a much better film about our nation's biggest tragedy. No, I am not bitter that The Last Full Measure won't ever be made. Not at all.
**Nixon was elected to only four terms before being killed by John Hinckley, and Dr. Manhattan was more of an aquamarine than full blue.
***Except for Highlander. That stuff is a real-time documentary, I swear.
****Unless this is alt-history. Then it is totally awesome.

Immediacy and its Effect on this Blog

If the Internet has done one thing, it has sped up the relevancy cycle in regards to topics. Some things, suc as debates about favorite movies, political issues, and sports teams will always be relevant. Others, however, are deemed irrelevant after just days, or sometimes even hours.

One reason why I don't tend to get my thoughts about new movies up on this blog is my tendency to not immediately write them down. By the time I think about writing a review, it seems too irrelevant, especially if the next week of releases is already out. Sure, the movies can still be topics well after they have been released, but not really as reviews. I know it seems confusing, but there is a difference, a sort of immediacy that is lost with reviews made well after the fact.

That is one reason why I haven't posted reviews of some of the recent movies I've seen. Although I didn't get reviews up for the movies, I'm sure I'll write about Up (because its that good) and Transformers 2 (because its that bad). However, these thoughts will be in a different form than a review, which is a much more immediate type of post.

Although not related to movie reviews, one example of my thoughts on relevancy is a topic I considered for this post. I had thought of writing about fanboys. However, there are plenty of places people can read about this dreadful internet phenomenon. What more do I really have to add, other than to offer my tired opinion that they are pathetic and close-minded. Maybe a well thought out post on fanboys might have been relevant in 2002, but today it is tired and played out.

The Good and the Bad: Pixar vs. Dancing Commando Gerbils

While watching the trailers prior to Disney's Earth*, I was witness to the dual nature of the company. After the trailer for the latest Pixar film, a trailer for a piece of excrement known as G-Force was shown. I don't want to give this movie the publicity by linking to it**, but I did want to mention how horrible it looked.

I can't understand why a company that has made (or at least presented) some of the greatest pieces of animation to grace the screen also has to make crappy films with crappy CG about crappy Gerbil Strike Forces. It isn't the first time either. Name every Disney Classic, and there is a good chance some mediocre sequel has oozed out of Disney straight to DVD.

I know that kids will watch any piece of dreck put in front of them, but that doesn't mean it should happen. I also recognize that the profits from these piles of garbage can help Disney take risks on new things that are actually innovative and creative. However, that doesn't make it any better. And yes, I know this is Jerry Bruckheimer film, Disney is just distributing it. To be involved with this is to be guilty. You can be assured I'll be there for Up, but will pass on Mission: Gerbil. I recommend for your sanity, and for the intelligence of your kid, that you do so as well.

*An Excellent Film, even if it was mostly re-used footage from Discovery's Planet Earth
**I'm sure Disney is really hurt that all two of my readers won't be exposed to a link to their film.

Summer Movies: A Quick Ranking List

Next week I'll be writing a bit more about the first half of the summer movie season. For the sake of brevity, however, I will put up my list, from least favorite to most favorite, from May and June. Keep in mind that I have yet to see WALL-E and Wanted. Remember that this list is only my preference, and really doesn't take into account artistic or technical achievement (other than that which improves my enjoyment).

Positively Meh
8. The Happening
7. The Incredible Hulk
6. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Enjoyable Missed Opportunities
5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
4. Get Smart

Frenetic, Insane, and Awesome
3. Speed Racer

Excellent Movies
2. Kung-Fu Panda
1. Iron Man

The Belated 2007 Movie Feature Begins

Hey there sports fans! Or movie fans, to be more precise. It's that time of the year again, the time for me to do my review of the past year in movies. Some of you might (accurately) point out that the time has past for this, but I say a resounding "meh" to that.

Rather than killing a whole forest of digital trees by putting it all in one post, I figure I'll split it out into several posts throughout today and Sunday. I'll try to hit all of the movies I saw over the past year, although a few were so mediocre it might not be worth writing about them.

On to the show!

A Shark's Tale award for Worst Movie of the Year

Winner: Perfect Stranger

This was a very close race, but in the end this pile of reconstituted vomit was my least favorite movie of the year. Between the horrible acting, the ridiculous plot twist, and its poor knowledge of technology, this film was a colossal waste of time. Although I am not one to walk out of a movie before it is over, this is one of two films I saw last year where I might have considered it. Heck, if I had walked out 15 minutes early, the film might have still made some sense, and saved itself from being placed on this list.

Runner Up: Shooter
This movie could have been very good if they had made it either a taut political thriller, or an absolutely mindless action film. Unfortunately, they decided to try to do both. The result was a mess, only surpassed by the disaster above. Lousy acting, a ridiculous plot, and incredibly cartoonish characters made this film offensive to my senses. Even Ned Beatty couldn't keep this movie from tanking.

Dishonorable Mention: Lions for Lambs
I'm usually a pretty easy guy to please when it comes to movies. Therefore, it was a rare accomplishment for the two movies above to actually make me loathe them. Lions for Lambs rises to the level of merely being disappointing. I would love to see a nuanced political movie about the mess in Iraq and Afghanistan. Unfortunately, this movie does not do that. It tries to create a debate on the issue, but fails miserably at it. In the end, it reads like a 90 minute PSA about getting involved in government. Not that the idea is wrong, but it certainly isn't worth $9.00.

Movies that are probably deserving of spots on this list, but which I decided to refrain from viewing: Good Luck Chuck, Who's Your Caddy?, Norbit, Daddy Day Camp, Epic Movie, etc...

Let's try that one again.

After much thought, I have decided to change my project. I made this decision after starting the project with four straight tv show discs. The reason I decided to do this was to put together my thoughts on my collection of DVDs. With over 75 discs just between The West Wing and The Simpsons, the thought of trying to slog through one of the lesser post-Sorkin discs just didn't sound fun.

On that note, I'm switching the format around. The new rules are:

1. All of my movies will continue to be played in a random order, with the exception of Star Wars.
2. As for Star Wars, I am saving that for a marathon weekend, a new feature I'm adding as well.
3. The TV shows aren't being ignored, but are being themed
1. 30 Rock, Arrested Development, and Band of Brothers will be pushed to marathon weekends.
2. Futurama will be have four positions in the rotation. Each position will include eight episodes, three based around a theme, and one set of great and significant episodes that don't fit the themes. The themes are:
1. Fry & Leela
2. The Why of Fry
3. Bender: Great Sidekick/Horrible Star
4. The Best of the Rest
3. The Simpsons (Seasons 1-10) follows the same rules as Futurama. The themes for the Simpsons:
1. Sideshow Bob
2. Lisa vs. My DVD Player
3. Guest Star Bonanza
4. Worst. Episodes. Ever. (Not at all true)
4. The West Wing will be established as 7 distinct "movies", i.e. storylines that have distinct arcs. The list includes:
1. What Kind of a Day Has It Been/In the Shadow of Two Gunmen
2. The MS storyline: "17 People" to "Manchester Part Two"
3. The Minister of Qumar: "We Killed Yamamoto" to "20 Hours in America"
4. Twenty-Five: "Commencment" to "Dogs of War"
5. A John Wells Hacktacular: "Gaza" to "Third Day Story"
6. Santos for President: "Faith Based Initiative", "Opposition Research", "King Corn", "Freedonia", "La Palabra", "In God We Trust", "Things Fall Apart", "2162 Votes"
7. A Peaceful Succession: "Election Day" to "Tomorrow"
5. In addition to the theme sets, we'll also include two all-inclusive themed sets
1. Pilots: The first episode of every show I own.
2. Oddities and Innovations: Well, you will just have to see...
4. Due to the lower workload, I'll only be posting twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday.
   

The fun begins anew with "The Minister of Qumar": Four episodes (okay, two episodes a double-length season premiere) that include some of my favorite moments from the series. Next after that will be "Pilots", then "Bender: Great Sidekick/Horrible Star".

My year of DVDs

So it has come to this. My Opus, my grand triumph in blogging. From this Thursday to next December, I'll be watching and writing about one of my DVDs. Eventually, almost every disc I own will be covered.

Before I start, here are the rules:

1. Special Features Discs are not counted.
2. As The Simpsons Season 1, Disc 3 is one episode, and the rest special features, "Some Enchanted Evening" will be watched at the same time as Disc 2.
3. For The West Wing Seasons 1-3, Each side counts as one disc.
4. Discs will be watched on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday normally, although there is no formal pattern other than three posts a week.
5. Gettysburg and Gods & Generals each count as one disc, even though both are double sided.
6. The order has been chosen by random, except for two exceptions:
a. Primary Colors will be watched on Feb 4, Ahead of Super-Duper Tuesday. Unless Amazon doesn't get it here by then. In that case, it will take its place in the rotation.
b. Due to their length, Gods & Generals and Gettysburg will be moved to the nearest Saturday to their random position.
7. TV Shows that will be included: The West Wing, Futurama, The Simpsons (Seasons 1-10), 30 Rock (Season 1), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Vol. 1), Arrested Development, Band of Brothers
8. Movies that will be included: Star Wars: I-VI, Star Trek II, Star Trek: First Contact, Network, Letters from Iwo Jima, Superbad, Ratatouille, Little Miss Sunshine, Syriana, Good Night & Good Luck, Glory, Gettysburg, Gods & Generals, The Simpsons Movie, Futurama: Bender's Big Score, The Big Lebowski, Hudsucker Proxy, Fargo, Raising Arizona, Idiocracy, Office Space, South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut, Team America: World Police, Jurassic Park 1-3

The fun begins on Thursday with Disc 2, Side B of The West Wing: Season One.

The Week Ahead: September 3-9

I hope those of you who had a day off had a happy Labor Day, and my condolences to those who didn't.

Coming up this week will be a final Summer movie review. From Spider-Man 3 to Superbad, I'll share my thoughts on a very enjoyable season.

Also, we're less than a week from the start of the Bears season, which means it's time for my 2007 preview. Expect this on Friday (and be sure to let me know if I don't get it up by then).

Until then I bid you adieu.

The Week Ahead: July 2-July 8

Out of the 52 full weeks in a year, there are only a choice few that can be considered truly important. For 2007, nothing can compare to the importance of this upcoming week. Why? I'll tell you why.

What's that you say, the 4th of July? Independence Day is this week? Sweet! I had completely forgotten about that. That just makes the week even better.

Of course, the truly important event taking place this week is the opening of a movie about robots. Not just any robots, mind you, but robots that turn into cars, jets, and other things! Yes, my friends, this is the week that the Transformers movie comes to theaters.

Naturally, this is a landmark event for males of Generation Y, as they fondly look back on their childhoods. I myself had an Optimus Prime when I was little, as well as many other little contraptions that transformed from one thing to another. So even now, at the ripe old age of 25, I still get a little excited seeing some of the ol' metallic gang up on the big screen.

However, the excited is dimmed somewhat by one name being involved with the movie, and that name is Michael Bay. The fact that he was heavily involved in bring Optimus Prime and the gang to the big screen is something that can't be avoided, and something to fear. Anybody who has seen some of his work knows why you should be worried. Heck, there is even a whole song about how crappy one of his movies is.

However, Steven Spielberg is also involved, so that could be a plus. And although that might just mean he threw some money into the pot and little else, it usually means he gave at least some input. Also, ILM was involved with the effects, and that is usually a good thing.

An early check on Rotten Tomatoes seems to show a bunch of positive reviews, so that is a good sign. Of course, the only truly relevant review is your own, and I guess I'll just have to go check it out. Hopefully it will be more than meets the eye!
... ...
(Sorry for that one. I'll show myself out)