From the Gospel of Barbaro, Chapter 14
...Thus Barbaro came forth and said nothing. And the prophets left their careers, families, and homes, and came to Barbaro's stable. The prophets and disciples of Barbaro brought forth their offerings, made of cat-hair covered letters and dance. This was done at the behest of the great whale, who in his eye all can see the rise and fall of human civilization. And all of the pets on their message board wished the great horse well, while talking about the water of the toilet basins and the clawing of the living room curtains. And the great prophet, the one called Dee Mirich brought forth her great gift of inane poetry, and musings on her feline friends. Despite the laminitis, all was good in the world. Affirmed...
You know, I understand that Barbaro's performance at the Kentucky Derby was amazing. And his being put down due to his leg injury was sad, a reminder that a sport might be wrong if the main participant doesn't have a say in his participation. But, in the words of the immortal Gob Bluth: Come On!
The obsession so many people seem to have with this horse is just crazy. ESPN isn't wrong titling their article Church of Barbaro, as it has taken an almost quasi-religious bent. It seems like all at once all of the crazy cat ladies have come out of the woodwork to spread the gospel of his Horsiness.
I'm just worried about the theology of the matter. If Barbaro is our horse savior, then is Joey Porter's dog the AntiBarbaro? Will a separate church of Secretariat sprout up, claiming him as the true Horsiness? Will a great schism occur that will result in a branch of horse protestantism, because of the corruptness of the horse pope and his horse bishops? Where does Sandusky and Molly, my family's two cats, fit into the hierarchy?
I honestly am worried about what will be forgotten and what will be passed down about this crazy decade. In some future history tome, will the founding of Barbaroism, and the great religious war of the Mirichists and the Goshenists that will inevitably follow, overshadow the mess in the Middle East? Only time will tell....
This blog had a few different names. As do I. No longer in use, but kept here as a record of what I wrote.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Why The Last Full Measure should be Made
One of my favorite movies of all time is the Civil War epic Gettysburg. I saw it first when TNT showed it back in the mid 90s, and have been a fan ever since. Despite its marathon length, historical inaccuracies (the 20th Maine was not involved in Pickett's Charge), and fake beards, it still is a very good movie.
Which is why I was excited when I first heard that Gods and Generals was being made into a feature film. I was thrilled that unlike Gettysburg, I would be able to actually see this movie in the theaters. When it finally came out, I saw it three times in the theater, partly out of wanting to watch it with family members, and partly out of wanting to support the movie.
Unfortunately, it bombed. It was trashed by most of the critics (although very few did so on its very major technical flaws and instead on its content). The running time was almost four hours, which made it damn near impossible for anybody but the most willing to sit through it. It rarely lasted more than a few weeks in any theater, and was gone before long.
For a long time I wasn't sure what I thought about the movie. There were parts that I absolutely loved, but others that were horrible. After watching the film again a few months ago, I finally came to the conclusion that it was not a great movie. Somewhere in it was a great movie but it was intertwined with a poorly edited and written Lost Cause propaganda film.
My biggest issue with the movie, however, is not with the film itself, but rather what its failure did to the planned third installment. Because of the massive loss he took on Gods and Generals, Ted Turner let the option on The Last Full Measure, and there are no solid plans for this film to ever be made. If it is even made, it will have to be recast, as the actors who portrayed the returning characters from the previous two films are getting too old (especially Jeff Daniels).
The fact that The Last Full Measure might never see the light of day is most unfortunate. In my opinion, it was the strongest of the two Jeff Shaara books, and the one that would be the best for cinematic drama. Also, as it covered about one year of the war instead of two, it would be easier to condense into a film format, and provide a more coherent storyline.
In addition to being a better source than Gods and Generals, The Last Full Measure also is much less divisive. If you take a look back at the reviews of Gods and Generals, you will see a very noticeable divide between the positive reviews and negative reviews. Those on the conservative Southern side of the political spectrum gave favorable reviews, whereas those on the liberal side usually trashed the movie. Anyone who has seen the movie understands where this divide comes from (especially if you have seen the "Bonnie Blue Flag" CSO show, or "A Very Special Confederate Christmas).
With The Last Full Measure, the potential for divide is not as great. The main character of the book, in addition to the standbys Lee and Chamberlain, is Ulysses S. Grant. The book does a good job of portraying this misunderstood hero of the Civil War. Whereas Gods and Generals was focused on Thomas Jackson, it is likely The Last Full Measure would excise some of Chamberlain and Lee storylines in order to form a stronger story around Grant.
This doesn't mean those who value the opinion of their southern forefathers won't get some proud moments. "Lee to the Rear", the stately dignity of Robert E. Lee and his army, and the honorable surrender at Appomattox will all be part of this story. However, this will be counterbalanced by the redemption and payoff of the sacrifice for the Army of the Potomac, an aspect explored in the novel version of Gods and Generals, but almost entirely excised from the movie.
I believe that The Last Full Measure is commercially viable. However, it would need to be done right. The dialogue would need to be much better than Gods and Generals. I believe historical accuracy is important, but not at the expense of the story. This doesn't mean fudging events or characters, but it does mean writing dialogue that doesn't sound like it came from a letter.
In addition, the technical aspects have to be reworked. The films (as I will get to later) should be edited much better than Gods and Generals, and not feel so much like there is something missing that we should be seeing. The visual effects, although stellar in some areas, were seriously lacking in others. Every effects shot should be as good as the Northern Lights scene in Gods and Generals. The beards were better in Gods and Generals, and there were fewer fat old men front and center in the lines of soldiers, but those can still be improved.
The biggest thing that needs to be done is cut the running length. This doesn't mean sacrificing the story, but thinking differently. With solid editing, and a willingness to divide the film into two two hour volumes, the story can still be told excellently.
The Last Full Measure would be released in theaters as two movies. Spaced a few months apart, they would be separated long enough not to cannibalize each other, but short enough to not ruin any momentum the first one might create. The cost would be similar to one Gods and Generals length film, as the two films would be filmed and edited as one film, yet released as two. Once it is released on DVD, it would be offered as one film, with the option of watching each volume separately.
For this project, Ron Maxwell should most definitely return as director. His work on Gettysburg was wonderful, and he had some bright moments in Gods and Generals. However, he shouldn't go anywhere near the script, as it might end up too much like Gods and Generals.
So please, Mr. Turner, Mr. Lucas, Mr. Spielberg, or any other rich old men who can afford to fund a movie, please consider making The Last Full Measure. Movies like have shown that historical movies can be both artistically and financially successful. If executed right, and handled with creativity and intelligence, I am certain that we can see the Union restored, and the promise at the end of Gods and Generals fulfilled.
Which is why I was excited when I first heard that Gods and Generals was being made into a feature film. I was thrilled that unlike Gettysburg, I would be able to actually see this movie in the theaters. When it finally came out, I saw it three times in the theater, partly out of wanting to watch it with family members, and partly out of wanting to support the movie.
Unfortunately, it bombed. It was trashed by most of the critics (although very few did so on its very major technical flaws and instead on its content). The running time was almost four hours, which made it damn near impossible for anybody but the most willing to sit through it. It rarely lasted more than a few weeks in any theater, and was gone before long.
For a long time I wasn't sure what I thought about the movie. There were parts that I absolutely loved, but others that were horrible. After watching the film again a few months ago, I finally came to the conclusion that it was not a great movie. Somewhere in it was a great movie but it was intertwined with a poorly edited and written Lost Cause propaganda film.
My biggest issue with the movie, however, is not with the film itself, but rather what its failure did to the planned third installment. Because of the massive loss he took on Gods and Generals, Ted Turner let the option on The Last Full Measure, and there are no solid plans for this film to ever be made. If it is even made, it will have to be recast, as the actors who portrayed the returning characters from the previous two films are getting too old (especially Jeff Daniels).
The fact that The Last Full Measure might never see the light of day is most unfortunate. In my opinion, it was the strongest of the two Jeff Shaara books, and the one that would be the best for cinematic drama. Also, as it covered about one year of the war instead of two, it would be easier to condense into a film format, and provide a more coherent storyline.
In addition to being a better source than Gods and Generals, The Last Full Measure also is much less divisive. If you take a look back at the reviews of Gods and Generals, you will see a very noticeable divide between the positive reviews and negative reviews. Those on the conservative Southern side of the political spectrum gave favorable reviews, whereas those on the liberal side usually trashed the movie. Anyone who has seen the movie understands where this divide comes from (especially if you have seen the "Bonnie Blue Flag" CSO show, or "A Very Special Confederate Christmas).
With The Last Full Measure, the potential for divide is not as great. The main character of the book, in addition to the standbys Lee and Chamberlain, is Ulysses S. Grant. The book does a good job of portraying this misunderstood hero of the Civil War. Whereas Gods and Generals was focused on Thomas Jackson, it is likely The Last Full Measure would excise some of Chamberlain and Lee storylines in order to form a stronger story around Grant.
This doesn't mean those who value the opinion of their southern forefathers won't get some proud moments. "Lee to the Rear", the stately dignity of Robert E. Lee and his army, and the honorable surrender at Appomattox will all be part of this story. However, this will be counterbalanced by the redemption and payoff of the sacrifice for the Army of the Potomac, an aspect explored in the novel version of Gods and Generals, but almost entirely excised from the movie.
I believe that The Last Full Measure is commercially viable. However, it would need to be done right. The dialogue would need to be much better than Gods and Generals. I believe historical accuracy is important, but not at the expense of the story. This doesn't mean fudging events or characters, but it does mean writing dialogue that doesn't sound like it came from a letter.
In addition, the technical aspects have to be reworked. The films (as I will get to later) should be edited much better than Gods and Generals, and not feel so much like there is something missing that we should be seeing. The visual effects, although stellar in some areas, were seriously lacking in others. Every effects shot should be as good as the Northern Lights scene in Gods and Generals. The beards were better in Gods and Generals, and there were fewer fat old men front and center in the lines of soldiers, but those can still be improved.
The biggest thing that needs to be done is cut the running length. This doesn't mean sacrificing the story, but thinking differently. With solid editing, and a willingness to divide the film into two two hour volumes, the story can still be told excellently.
The Last Full Measure would be released in theaters as two movies. Spaced a few months apart, they would be separated long enough not to cannibalize each other, but short enough to not ruin any momentum the first one might create. The cost would be similar to one Gods and Generals length film, as the two films would be filmed and edited as one film, yet released as two. Once it is released on DVD, it would be offered as one film, with the option of watching each volume separately.
For this project, Ron Maxwell should most definitely return as director. His work on Gettysburg was wonderful, and he had some bright moments in Gods and Generals. However, he shouldn't go anywhere near the script, as it might end up too much like Gods and Generals.
So please, Mr. Turner, Mr. Lucas, Mr. Spielberg, or any other rich old men who can afford to fund a movie, please consider making The Last Full Measure. Movies like have shown that historical movies can be both artistically and financially successful. If executed right, and handled with creativity and intelligence, I am certain that we can see the Union restored, and the promise at the end of Gods and Generals fulfilled.
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